Postpartum Care + What Postpartum is Really Like

In preparation for baby, we looked into what to pack for our hospital bag, researched and bought baby essentials, decorated the nursery, and watched several YouTube videos on pregnancy and birth. These were all fun things to prepare for, and luckily for me, birth went very smoothly – I shared Olivia’s birth story here. But what came after that was NOT what I expected or was prepared for at all. Postpartum is TOUGH and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through physically and mentally.

I always imagined that postpartum and maternity leave would be relaxing with a lot of TV time and loving baby. I often see new moms on Instagram constantly talk about how they’re in pure bliss. And although all of that is true (minus the relaxing part), postpartum is also really difficult, stressful, exhausting, and isolating. I went back and forth a lot on publishing this blog post because it’s so personal. But I decided to go for it and openly share my experience and struggles with postpartum in hopes that my story helps prepare any soon-to-be moms. Some details may be TMI so feel free to skip this post if it’s not for you!

Postpartum Care + Recovery

I delivered vaginally and got dissolvable stitches for my second degree tear. I didn’t feel any physical pain for a few hours after birth. My legs were completely numb from the epidural so I couldn’t walk at all during that time. I was also hooked up to a catheter so I was peeing freely without even knowing it. But after birth, the epidural wore off and the soreness and pain kicked in. The catheter gets removed and the first postpartum pee was terrifying.

My postpartum nurse helped me to the bathroom and showed me how to layer my mesh underwear for the best pain relief. I was completely overwhelmed by everything – from struggling to walk to the bathroom, seeing how much blood there was, to learning all of the steps I needed to complete for every bathroom break. You’ll continue to bleed and feel sore down there for weeks. Below are items that the hospital sent me home with, as well as a few items I bought ahead of time, to help with postpartum bleeding and pain. Physically recovering from birth is hard and I dreaded going to the bathroom for the entire first month.

• Mesh underwear: The hospital sent several disposable mesh underwear home with me. They are super comfy and I actually loved them. Once I ran out, I switched to my high-waisted panties. I’ve also heard great things about these disposable postpartum underwear. As you’ll read below, I layered a couple of items in my underwear so thick but supportive ones are the way to go.
• Water spray bottle: After every bathroom break, I always started off with cleaning the perineal area with a water spray bottle. The hospital gave me one, but the Frida Mom peri bottle is significantly better. I highly recommend it since it has an angled tube that helps you target and efficiently clean your lady parts with a continuous stream of water. I filled it up with warm water and used up the entire bottle every time.
• Extra large maxi pads: After using the water spray bottle, I’ll change out my extra large maxi pad for a fresh one. The hospital let me take a pack home, but you’ll most likely need more for your postpartum bleeding. These super pads I had on hand were perfect. They aren’t as big as the hospital ones, but you’ll bleed like you’re on your period for weeks. It’s heavier in the beginning and will lighten as you heal so the super pads worked just fine. Or like I mentioned above, you can use disposable postpartum underwear.
• Witch hazel pads: These witch hazel pads were provided by the hospital and go on top of the maxi pads. They help cool and soothe your sore lady parts. I layer on about 2-3 of these after each bathroom break.
• Dermoplast spray: Another item that the hospital sent me home with. Following cleaning with water and getting my pads layered and ready, I use this spray on the perineal area as the very last step. It provides additional cooling and soothing relief. As you can tell, going to the bathroom was a lot of work!
• Pain relief and laxative pills: Lastly, I received pain relievers and laxative pills. Walking and even getting out of the bed can be painful (I walked very slow for the first two weeks), but the pills provided some relief. I was also terrified of my first postpartum bowel movement (I tried holding it in as long as I could lol). The laxatives will help make your stools softer and less painful. Don’t be stubborn like me and just take them!

In addition to postpartum physical recovery, some moms may experience NEW physical pain while caring for a baby. For me, I had lower back pain. I strained my muscles from wearing her in a wrap so much. It was so bad that I could barely walk. My family had to come up to care for baby for a week while I rested and healed. My wrist ached too from all of the diaper changes, bottle washing (there’s going to be a lot of it) and picking up and holding baby. There’s something called mom wrist. It can get really painful where some moms have to get steroid shots. It’s amazing how moms are resilient and go through so much physically for their babies!

Postpartum Body + Losing Weight

Right after birth, you’ll look like you’re still six months pregnant. I remember during the first week, I was so overwhelmed with adjusting to the new feeding schedule, stressing from breastfeeding, and being extremely sleep deprived. When I finally looked at my postpartum body in the mirror after showering, it felt like the last straw after going through everything. I still had the dark lingea nigra line, lots of stretch marks, and a jiggly belly. I broke down into tears, feeling like my body got destroyed. Jeff hugged me and took me to Olivia, reminding me that I went through all of that to carry and bring LIFE into the world. He said that I just gave birth and he didn’t care what my body looked like. Even though he helped me feel better, I can’t help but struggle with my body image.

Four months postpartum and I still have the dark lingea line and a jiggly belly. I don’t know when the line will go away and I still hate looking at my stomach. I have been asked how I lost weight so fast, and honestly, it’s not something I even strived for because caring for baby was my number one priority. I still have insecurities with my postpartum body and I’m nowhere near my pre-pregnancy weight. But I do attribute some of the weight lost to a number of factors like having a fast metabolism and breastfeeding. I was hungrier while breastfeeding, but was too exhausted to even eat. Plus, with a colicky baby, Jeff and I took turns walking back and forth for hours on end every night trying to console her to sleep. On top of that, my baby wanted to be held or worn all day. I was carrying an extra 10-12 pounds on me for at least six hours per day for three months so it’s very physically demanding! Either way, remember to give yourself grace (LOTS AND LOTS OF IT) and don’t worry about “bouncing” back. You and your baby’s health are the utmost important things during this time. Don’t compare yourself to other mamas cause, like birth and postpartum, all of our bodies are different. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU ARE!

Breastfeeding + Feeding Schedule

I always heard that new parents don’t get enough sleep, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. I quickly found out that babies need to be fed every 2-3 hours during the first several weeks of their life. That meant we were often up at the wee hours of the night. Pre-pregnancy I was a night owl and would often stay up til 4 am watching TV and easily ran on 4-5 hours of sleep. But having to consistently wake up like this really took a toll on me. Both Jeff and I were extremely exhausted and felt like walking zombies. The first six weeks seems like such a blur now.

For me, the hardest part about postpartum was hands down breastfeeding. I always assumed it came naturally, and for some it may, but for me, it was extremely challenging. When I was at the hospital, I didn’t produce a single drop of colostrum. Baby girl was already starting to lose weight since they say that your milk supply usually doesn’t come in until 3-4 days later. We waited and nothing came. Baby was getting hungrier and hungrier which caused her to cry so hard during the first week of her life. It’s heartbreaking seeing your baby like that and feeling like it’s your fault for not being able to produce breast milk. After seeing a pediatrician, we supplemented with formula while we waited for my supply to come in.

To help get my milk supply going, I started pumping 8-10 times per day, every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes. You need to do this consistently including pumping in the wee hours of the night. I was also having trouble getting baby to latch correctly, which caused my nipples to be very sore and blister. It was PAINFUL and I cringed every time I had to nurse. Our lactation consultant also recommended that, to help increase my supply, try to nurse first, about 20 min on each breast, and then pump right after while my husband feeds baby the formula (that’s about an hour of your time right there). Imagine doing this every 2-3 hours on top of washing all of the bottles and pump parts, fitting in meals, taking care of your pets, and trying to keep up with everything around the house. It is EXHAUSTING because you don’t really get a break and there’s really no time to sleep! There were numerous days where I didn’t even have time to brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, or take a shower (my 15 minute showers became my only me time).

Once Jeff went back to work, it was incredibly hard to try to nurse, pump, and formula feed baby all on my own. Baby also didn’t sleep much, she was constantly crying, and we later realized that she has colic. I still tried to do it all, but at this point, I was only making maybe an ounce per breast each pump session and it wasn’t enough for her. I was so exhausted and frustrated that my supply wasn’t increasing. Both my mom and mother-in-law kept saying to stop trying to breastfeed if it’s too hard for me. But I persisted because I felt like that’s what society expected of me. After another couple weeks of it, I was at my breaking point. With no help and a colicky baby, I threw in the towel with breastfeeding. The mom guilt kicked in and I cried feeling like a failure and ashamed for not being able to give my baby breast milk and all of its amazing benefits that the nurses constantly rave about.

Luckily, I have an amazing support system of mommy friends and family that kept telling me that it’s okay and fed is best no matter if it’s breast milk or formula.They knew I tried hard to breastfeed and encouraged me to not be so hard on myself. I’m sharing this because I feel like there’s a ton of pressure on moms to breastfeed and sometimes it’s looked down upon if baby is formula fed. Being a mom is hard enough, we as a society shouldn’t shame any moms for not being able to breastfeed because sometimes it’s just not possible. For all the mommas out there, remember to do what’s best for you and your situation. A FED BABY IS A HAPPY BABY!

If you do plan to breastfeed or want to give it a try, here are several items I found helpful:

• Breast pump: Since I struggled with breastfeeding, I’m glad I had my breast pump at home waiting for me after birth because it helped get my milk supply going. I got a brand new Medela Pump In Style Advanced from a friend, but you can usually get it (and many other brands) for free through your health insurance. I don’t have anything to compare it but I liked this pump for it’s great suction and ease of use.
• Nipple balm: Oh man my nipples hurt and blistered soo badly from breastfeeding, especially since baby wasn’t latching correctly. Use nipple balm to reduce soreness and blistering. I got the Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter and I love that it’s toxin free and safe for both mom and baby.
• Breast pump bras: I highly recommend this breast pump bra. It allowed me to be hands free while I pumped so I could be on my phone or computer to quickly pass time. I got two that I kept washing and rotating between.
• Nursing pajamas: I lived in pjs basically for the entire first two months postpartum. When pumping and nursing, it’s much more convenient if you wear something that lets you easily pull out your goodies. I loved this nursing-friendly pj set and this nightgown.
• Nursing pads and bras: Your breasts may start leaking if you choose to breastfeed. Nursing pads are placed in your bra to absorb the leaking milk and prevent staining on your bra and clothes. I got reusable nursing pads since they’re eco-friendly, effective, and very soft, I also got this nursing bra that doubles as a bra and nursing pad. I got this really affordable set too but the first one I mentioned was my favorite – so comfy!

Relationship Changes

My friend warned me that my relationship with Jeff would slightly change after having a baby. I kind of scoffed at that because Jeff and I RARELY ever fight in the six years that we’ve been together. But with the stress of having a new baby and being sleep deprived, we definitely bickered and screamed at each other throughout the first month. It’s such a stressful time and you’re both trying to figure out this parenting thing. My advice would be to make sure you both have clear and direct communication. Since this is all so new, you have to talk through your decisions, and definitely, if you need help, tell your partner! Don’t put the onus all on yourself and get them to be more involved. Another tip would be, if you’re deciding on something, research it first so that you have data and information to help you make informed decisions. There were a few times where we fought about what we heard from someone that would be good for baby, and it turned out the hearsay wasn’t even accurate. We are back to rarely ever fighting again once we got into the swing of things!

Additionally, your relationship with your family may change as well. To be honest, I was super annoyed with my parents in the beginning because they had so many opinions on how to parent and kept telling me what to do. I didn’t want their help for the first month at all because I wanted to figure it out on my own. But since my first month was so hard, I finally let them help out after that. Now I don’t know what I would do without my parents and my aunt! They live 1.5 hours away but will come up every week to care for their first ever grandchild and it’s very heartwarming to see how much they love her. I feel like we are closer now more than ever and I appreciate their help sooo incredibly much! It really does take a village to raise a baby!

Advice from Real Moms

The truth is, postpartum was REALLY REALLY hard physically, mentally, emotionally and for our relationship. You’re dealing with physical recovery, raging hormones, breastfeeding, new feeding schedule, crying baby, being sleep deprived, and figuring out how to be a new mom ALL AT ONCE! It is super overwhelming and I was just in survival mode those first couple of months trying to get by. There were many days where I didn’t have time to brush my teeth, shower, or even eat. I was so stressed out and I don’t think I’ve ever broken down in tears so much in my life. I felt crazy back then, but looking back at it now, I think those feelings are totally normal for new moms. Bringing a baby into the world is a life changing event so it makes sense that your emotions are all over the place.

I am not trying to scare you because things will get easier! I did feel blind sighted because I was always afraid of birth and had no idea how hard postpartum would be. But don’t worry! You’ll get into the swing of things, understand baby cues, get her schedule down, and learn how to better communicate with your partner. Once we hit three months, everything just seemed much more manageable and fun. We love Olivia so incredibly much and would go through all of this again for her! I feel extremely grateful and blessed to be able to go through this experience and bring life into the world! Here is my advice:

• Get help where you can and clearly communicate your needs. It’s an extremely stressful time for everyone and taking care of a baby takes a village. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and speak up if you need anything, even if it’s something as simple as getting food delivered to you!
• Talk to someone. It helps to vent and talk to another mom who understands what you went through. Your questions and feelings are completely valid and normal.
• Don’t forget to soak it all in! The newborn phase feels so long yet so short. They really do grow up fast because they go through a huge growth spurt during the first six months of their life. You’ll just be in awe and completely in love with your sweet, adorable creation!!

I asked other moms for advice and here are some things they shared:

• Enjoy these moments with your baby because they do go by so so quickly and you’ll never get it back again. From one stressed mama who went through a similar breastfeeding journey, let me just say that the emotional guilt is not worth it. It does nobody any good and you are enough. Your love, your instincts, your motherly nature, is enough for your little girl. She’s not going to remember how and what type of milk she got but she will always remember and flourish from the love, attention, and care she receives from you.
• Be mentally prepared that breastfeeding can be super challenging. People assume it’s natural.
• It’s okay to not want to be around baby all the time. You can’t fill from an empty cup.
• The sooner baby can be in her own room, you and baby both sleep better. So advice is to learn about good sleeping habits and sleep training ahead of time.
• Postpartum doesn’t end after the fourth trimester or when you go back to work. Some people get postpartum depression months later.
• If you’re back at work and struggling with no sleep, take constant notes and record meetings so you can refer to them later.
• Keep taking your prenatals or replace them with vitamins and supplements.
• Ask your partner for help and don’t feel like you need to take it all on by yourself.
• Get support for yourself after baby. This could mean asking family to help, hiring house cleaners, talking to other moms, and getting in some me time.
• I felt so much more at peace once I was able to let go of what society expected from me as a mom.
• Soak in all the baby snuggles and bottle it up because they grow up way too fast!

I know this was a lot to take in, especially if you’re a soon-to-be mom. Yes, postpartum is HARD and you’ll feel a lot of highs and lows while you’re going through it. But trust me, things will get better! It’s so rewarding being a mom. Your baby will become your ENTIRE WORLD! You’ll love her so much that your heart feels like it’s BURSTING! You’ll want to do everything in your power to CARE and PROTECT her. You’ll think she’s so dang cute that you just want to eat her up and CHOMP on those chunky thighs! Your heart will MELT every time she giggles and you’ll soon forget all of the pain and struggles you went through! CONGRATS, MAMA!! Welcome to this crazy, stressful, exhausting but also fun, life changing, incredible, rewarding and adventurous journey called motherhood!!!!! Feel free to leave questions or advice below as I hope this postpartum post will be helpful to new moms as well as resonate with many current moms!